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Social Status Techniques
by Arman Darini, Ph.D.
May 11, 2006
"How well we communicate is determined not
by how well we say things but how well we are understood," -
Andrew Grove.
In the previous article I described status as the
currency of human communication, and mentioned how useful it
is to be able to adapt your status to your social
environment and your goals. Today I continue by looking at a
few ways to immediately and effectively change your status.
Status signals developed millions of years ago as a way
of communicating the pecking order without getting into a
fight. You can observe them easily in any pack mammal. The
signals are tied directly to showing fear or fearlessness.
When you close your body by bending the back, lowering the
head and crossing arms, you protect yourself - communicating
discomfort, fear and lower status. When you open up by
straightening out, moving shoulders back, lifting the head,
you expose vital, soft organs like throat, heart, belly -
showing fearlessness and higher status.
Status is basically territorial, so a one sentence answer
to increasing your status is to take more space, and to
lowering your status is to take less space. For example, if
you stand with your feet shoulder-width apart, you
communicate higher status. If you put your feet together,
you show lower status. Games of status are often fun to
watch. I saw Slava's Snow Show recently, a wonderful clown
show for grownups. The clowns in the show very clearly
communicated status by growing and shrinking in size, taking
more or less space.
More generally status changes whenever the body speaks
through moving, gesturing, fidgeting, scratching, vocal
inflections. When you develop enough sensitivity, you get to
watch exceedingly sophisticated status performances played
out everyday in cafes, on the street, at the workplace. You
can also tell tons about people and their relationships from
a few minutes of observation without having to hear anything
said.
The most powerful way to communicate your status is with
your eyes. Staring is commonly interpreted as aggression,
and in many parts of the world even a few seconds of eye
contact can get you into a lot of trouble. The way that you
break off eye contact is also crucial. Looking down is a
sign of submission. Shifting your eyes horizontally or up is
neutral. Breaking off an eye contact completely is higher
status than glancing back momentarily (as if seeking
approval).
Eye games are especially evident and potent in flirting
and courtship. Next time you are in a bar, watch how a woman
indicates her interest in a man. She gives a lot of
nonverbal cues, but the heavy artillery are the eyes: how
they move, how long they stay focused, where and how they
move away. Also watch how that man then competes with others
for her attention.
Status applies not only to interpersonal communication,
but to our interactions with objects as well. The king has a
higher status than his throne, while king's servants have
less status than the throne. So while the king might easily
kick the throne in angst, his servant has to gently wipe off
the dust. And how many of us have seen people with lower
status than their cars, who protect it even at their own
expense (quick status test: would you step on the hood of
your car to reach an upper shelf in your garage?). I know
someone who is lower status than her gloves. I have seen her
remove gloves when taking hold of an old rusty pipe and cut
the skin on her hands, but save gloves from the dirt.
Effective communicators have great flexibility in their
status and use it as a tool to create rapport, to move
people, to get their ideas heard. Unfortunately it is all
too easy to judge based on status and overlook the real
person beneath the appearance. Great companies promote their
employees based on their performance, not on their status.
However, there are certain types of jobs that require high
status - company spokespeople for example, such as CEOs and
PR representatives.
Another way to understand status is to become aware of
your personal boundaries. In the next article I will speak
about personal boundaries that affect your interpersonal
relationships and your health.
