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Enjoy reading this
sample online Tip:
Useful Personal Boundaries
by Arman Darini, Ph.D.
May 19, 2006
"It takes half your life before you
discover life is a do-it-yourself project," - Napoleon Hill.
In the previous article I described several simple and
effective ways to rapidly change your status. Today I
continue with another important aspect of nonverbal
communication - your personal boundaries and their pervasive
impact on every area of your life.
Where do you think you end? Inside your head, at the
outer edge of your skin or three feet outward into the space
around your body? Your sense of personal boundaries subtly
influences every interaction you have with the world. If you
live in a large city, you are likely to have very slim
personal boundaries, while if you were on a farm, they would
be quite wide. If you are strongly empathic, it is likely
that you easily extend your personal boundary to encompass
other people, while if you are consistently distant, your
boundaries tend to contain you only. If you are easily
distracted, your personal boundaries contain your
surroundings, while if you easily stay focused inside your
mind, they tend to end just outside of you. If you strongly
don't like some part of yourself, you personal boundary
might exclude that part.
It is simple to change your personal boundary - first get
a sense for where it ends around you as if it is a bubble,
then see and feel it expand or shrink or even totally change
shape. Consciously changing your personal boundary is useful
in all sorts of ways. You can increase rapport and get more
into the conversation by extending your personal boundary to
include the people you are talking to. You might imagine the
boundary made of thick Plexiglas that keeps you emotionally
safe. Some people see their personal boundary as
impenetrable to criticism, until they have examined it and
allowed it inside. Certain meditations that develop a sense
of connection and care for the whole world, e.g. sky
meditation, guide you to expand your personal boundary to
encompass the universe.
Besides the size, other qualities of personal boundaries
also make a difference. Color for instance. Try making your
boundary reflective black, soft white, vivid green, and get
a sense for what changes in your perception of the world.
Visualization of colors is often used in shamanic and energy
healing.
Personal boundaries are also directly related to health.
If there is some part of your body that brings you pain,
especially chronic pain, do you see your personal boundary
exclude that part, as if there is a hole there? Many people
reject parts of their bodies that hurt, pushing them away
and just wanting it to stop. However, pain is not a cause,
but a symptom. It is a communication from your kinesthetic
sensors to your brain with a message that something needs to
be changed. Common psychosomatic illnesses, such as
depression, are messages that something needs to be changed
in the mental environment. It does no good to reject the
message, to punish the messenger. However, simply opening up
to the pain is not very helpful in restoring health either.
A whole subfield of NLP is devoted to techniques that
integrate such holes in your self, often creating rapid
healing. Some examples of these techniques are reimprinting,
parts integration, anchor integration and many others. In a
follow-up article, I will show a simple way to identify
mental and emotional holes in yourself and others using
flattery.
