Enjoy reading this
sample online Tip:
Psychology of Space
by Arman Darini, Ph.D.
September 11, 2006
I remember when first learning about psychology of space
(often called psychogeography or proxemics) in an NLP
training, I was amazed to discover that the space around my
body is not symmetrical. Ok, the differences between
standing far away versus close by are common sense. At one
extreme, the further you stand from people, the less
connection you have. At the other extreme, standing very
close penetrates the intimate space we keep around
ourselves. You can often see that clearly when you approach
someone who immediately leans or steps back. That's your cue
- too close! If the space does not permit moving away, e.g.
the person is sitting in the chair, then he might instead
close off his personal space by folding hands and feet.
Preferred spatial distance for communication is highly
dependent on the culture - Italians stand an elbow length
away, while Japanese make sure that they can't even
accidentally touch each other. There are many such nuances
in every culture. If you are traveling to a foreign part of
the World, read a book on proper spatial distances and
gestures (and don't be surprised when a friendly Arab takes
your hand while walking down the stairs).
Much more fascinating and surprising to me was the
discovery that the space around my body is asymmetrical, and
my left space is vastly different from my right space. I
started noticing which side I presented to people and how
they reacted. I noticed I had a strong preference to stand
sideways during the conversation, as if we were pressing our
backs against the two walls near the corner, with the other
person on my right. Of course, that was my personal
preference. The person I was communicating with had her own
preference. It's great when these spatial preferences are
complementary (e.g. if mine is on the right side, then hers
is on the left side). But what if they are not? Then the two
people talking will feel subtly uncomfortable and might
start to unconsciously outmaneuver each other in circles.
Here is a simple test: imagine you are sitting directly
facing a stranger of the same gender. Do you feel such
psychogeography comfortable, or do you feel the urge to turn
sideways? Are you turning to the left or to the right?
If you do boarding - ride a snowboard, a surfboard, a
skateboard, then recall which turn is harder for you to make
- left or right? (If you believe this depends only on which
foot is in the front, try putting the other foot in the
front and turning; you are likely to find that turns are
harder to the same side). If you ride a motorcycle or ski
downhill, do you make smoother turns to one side?
These side asymmetries show up in many other subtle ways.
For example, when you pick a seat in an empty classroom,
which side of the room do you tend to seat on - left or
right? By the way, I highly recommend you frequently change
your seat in any class, because doing so will grant you
fresh perspectives on the material.
How we develop strong side preferences we can only guess.
One good guess is the positioning of the baby cradle. If
your cradle stood next to the wall, then parents always
approached you from one side only, and communicating from
that side became most comfortable. Another good guess is
that your less comfortable side might be the one your
parents approached you from when criticizing.
Of course, all of us can override these subconscious side
and distance preferences when necessary. But doing so
requires energy investment and often creates subtle stress,
because you feel uncomfortable. No one doubts that you can
talk to your friends while suspended head down from the
ceiling, but it just doesn't seem to be the most comfortable
position to be in.
Groups have significantly more complicated psychology of
space formed by the unions and the intersections of
individual spaces. There are weak spots in the group space -
if you stand there you will tend to be ignored. There are
power spots in the group space - if you stand there you will
control the flow of the conversation. More than just space,
body orientation and movement also become integral to the
group dynamics. Being aware of and able to shift the group
dynamics is a highly useful skill for teachers, trainers,
managers, public speakers, leaders. Some do it naturally,
others can learn.
So how is this all useful? Well, by matching the most
comfortable spatial orientation for the people that you
speak with, you can immediately create a strong sense of
rapport, and that is highly useful in all sorts of personal
and professional settings. A quick professional tip for you
is make sure you rearrange the meeting space in boardrooms,
so that where you sit is not governed by where the chairs
are, but by the best spatial positioning for the group, i.e.
"get on the good side of your boss" (as usual, the language
gives away the underlying subconscious mechanisms).
To match other people's preferred side and distance you
need two skills: 1. You must be comfortable yourself with
using any part of your space, and 2. You must be able to see
what side and distance people prefer you to be on. One
simple way to learn the latter is to enjoy a latte in a cafe
or a martini in a bar while watching people meet and
interact. You will observe all the nuances of the psychology
of space play out right in front of you. See how quickly you
can read spatial preferences, - we are down to a few
seconds.
