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Common and Deadly Decision Traps
by Arman Darini, Ph.D.
October 6, 2006
Good to be connecting with you again. Our topic for today
is common and deadly decision traps, and how to avoid them.
Recall that in the previous article we spoke about the
structure of extraordinary decision making, and I explained
the steps you have to follow to make excellent outcomes
happen. As you follow the steps, it's important to watch out
for a handful of places where most people consistently make
mistakes. I will point out two of them today, explain how to
sidestep each one and top it off with a simple way to turn
hesitation into decisiveness. Your job, of course, is to be
honest with yourself, notice what you need to work on, and
learn how to improve your decision muscle.
FIRST TRAP of plunging in
Ok, the first major trap happens even before the deciding
starts. It's the trap of plunging in headfirst into the
deciding without pausing to answer one critical question:
What's the essence of the problem?
Let's take our decision example from last week: "How do I
double my salary?" If you jump in to answer this question
without thinking, you might answer the wrong question
altogether. Ask yourself first: "What's the essence of the
problem?" Are you even seeing the different possibilities?
Consider these and notice just how much they differ: - You
need to make more money. - You want to feel that your work
is valued appropriately. - You are looking for another
challenge. - Your spouse is beating you over the head
demanding that you earn more. - You want to bolster your
self-esteem.
Do you see how each of these completely changes the
underlying decision, and will necessarily lead to different
alternatives and outcomes? For example, if you are looking
for another challenge, then you won’t take up the job
washing dishes in a restaurant. If, on the other hand, it’s
about your self-esteem, then the simplest solution might be
invest in a couple of hours of NLP coaching to quickly
improve your self-esteem that way.
If you are not aware of the essence of the problem, then
you will randomly pick one and it's often the wrong one.
Just think how many times have you thought you really wanted
something, went out and bought it, and a few days later felt
as dissatisfied as your were before the purchase. You've
been solving the wrong problem!
SECOND TRAP of frame blindness
The second major decision trap is frame blindness. Recall
from the last newsletter that framing the decision happens
in languaging the question that you pose. Framing is
inevitable, and it brings some aspects of the problem into
the focus, while pushing others into the background.
One subtle and influential frame effect is hidden inside
the unspoken beliefs you have about what is possible. These
beliefs form the boundaries of your map of the world. If you
don't believe it is possible to triple your salary, then
your decision frame will exclude this alternative. If you
believe that it is hard to find someone who will love you
wholeheartedly, then you will refuse to consider the easy
opportunities to meeting such person.
Your beliefs frame your reality. And you know what? Most
of them are arbitrary. What's even worse, most of the
beliefs you've got were installed into your mind without
your awareness by your well-meaning family, friends, school,
and culture. Unfortunately well-meaning is not the same as
wise. All this happened when you were a small child and
quite gullible. If we laid out your beliefs on a flat table
in front of your eyes and you examined them right now, you
would find many of them silly, outdated and false.
So, how can you avoid this trap of unspoken beliefs?
Whenever you pose a decision question, ask yourself: “What
will always remain true in any answer to this question?”
Take, for instance, the decision: “How do I double my
salary?” Regardless of the answer, you will be looking for
ways to increase the salary and not to save the money. And
you will be looking for a job where someone pays you a
salary. Once the beliefs presupposed by the question become
clear, choose whether you want to expand the frame or leave
it as it is. (As an exercise, count all the unspoken beliefs
inside the “Where can I find the love of my life?”
decision.)
All right, enough about traps. You've listened
attentively, you've learned well, you followed the
extraordinary decision making steps and you carefully
avoided the traps. Now is finally the right time to make the
decision and take the first action. BUT, what's that? What
are those unbidden questions in your mind: "Have I really
thought this through?" "Is there something I haven't
considered?" "What else could I do?"
Stalling. Hesitating. Feeling afraid of closing the doors
on other opportunities. Because by making the decision you
commit to one path and close off all the others. If you are
of the kind that likes to keep her options open, then
deciding means trouble.
Oh-oh. What to do? Well, if I was your coach working with
you 1 on 1, then there are a few hundred of different
possibilities we could explore to find the right solution
for you. But, not having this luxury, here is a cookie
cutter approach that often works right out of the box. Ask
yourself: "How many opportunities am I missing right now by
deciding to become rigid with hesitation?” Most people
rarely consider the cost of not making the decision right
away, and so rarely feel the urgency. This question moves
you beyond hesitation into action. And, as you well know,
decisions are lifeless until you take the first step. NOW.
